Thursday, February 24, 2011

A Simple Slice of Toast

I sit here today having just eaten a single slice of toast - and I'm regretting it.

You see, over the past few months I think I've narrowed down the cause of my frequently rumbly tum - and it's wheat.
Yes, it looks innocent enough, but beware - it is a thing of the devil!
Now I know that this may resonate with more than one of you here, since I recently had a conversation on Twitter with a few others about it. I was shocked to find how widespread an intolerance to wheat actually is.

I don't think it's gluten per se that's the problem. I just think it's wheat - or anything containing wheat for that matter. Slowly but surely, I've tried to eliminate it from my diet and I do believe that I've been proven right. But that doesn't make it any easier to handle... I mean, look at the list of foodstuffs I should be avoiding:
  • wheat, wheat berries, wheat bran, wheat germ, wheat grass or any form of the word wheat
  • flour, bread, cakes and cookies
  • semolina, pasta, couscous, tabbouleh
  • doughnuts, pies, pretzels and other baked goods
  • gnocchi, chow mein
  • snack foods
  • soups, gravies and thickened sauces
  • breaded meats or vegetables, dumplings or meatballs (no fried chicken for me!)
  • salad dressings, Worcesteshire sauce and other condiments
  • beer (say what???)
Recently, I happened to mention my discovery to my GP, in the hope that he might be able to suggest a cure (stop sniggering). He launched into this big spiel of how I would need to go back to eating wheat for about six weeks before having a rather invasive test (yeeuuuww!) and then explained that - should the test prove positive - it would indicate that I am, in fact, wheat intolerant (no shit Sherlock!). When I then asked what the treatment would be, he looked down nervously at his prescription pad and mumbled something about 'diet'.

So, let me get this straight. First you want to make me eat wheat-laden foods which I happen to know will have me in agony for the next six weeks. Then you plan to poke about in places I care not to mention in order to get a 'sample' (yeeuuuww again!). And finally, if all of your torture proves my self-diagnosis correct, the only thing you're going to suggest is that I don't eat wheat? Um, hello? Isn't that what I'm doing already? - Um, yes. Would you like me to book your test?
Errr, that would be a resounding "No!"
Needless to say I have declined to be tested. What's the point? And in the meantime, if I feel the urge to eat the odd slice of toast (when I really, really crave some comfort food), I'll do it with my eyes wide open to the fact that I will - indeed - probably regret it once it's been devoured. Oh, and I'll make sure there's a bathroom close by to deal with the aftermath.

Apologies for giving you TMI there... ;-)

This post was brought to you from the UK by CC x


  1. Gluten sensitivities and celiac disease are on the rise.

    Have you tried rice bread, or used rice flour? I haven't myself, and have been advised it's not as good tasting as regular bread or flour, but it might be a better option for those times you want toast, or if you want to make pizza or whatever. Can you use corn starch as a thickener?

    Anyhoo, sorry about your troubles hun, but good job diagnosing yourself! And I wouldn't get the test either if I were you. Stupid to even suggest it!


  2. OMG, me too. I avoid wheat like it's the devil, cause in my body it is!! Please, please, please, let me know if I can help. I've been known to send some gluten free goodies to a few of my newly gluten free twitter friends (hint, hint would just need an address). I haven't had gluten, on purpose (it occassionally finds it's way into soething if I'm being a little lax, luckily that doesn't happen often) in about three years. And honestly I seldom miss it. I NEVER miss how it affected my body.

    I wouldn't bother with the test, both mine have come back negative, regardless any time i've had wheat symptoms back. You don't have to be full celiac to be gluten intolerant. An elimination diet is the best way to prove it in my book. And it sounds like you're already doing that.

    As I'm writing this I am munching on a huge helping of lasagne, gluten and dairy free, and it is soooo good, creamy, YUMMO. I also avoid dairy like it's an impending death because it gives me migraines, for days to weeks each time. Think gluten is in everything, I've found dairy in medications (the ones my dr tried to prescribe to help the migraine symptoms), vitamin c tablets, McD's fries, etc...

    I know it's a pain in the ass at first, but once you get into it, it gets easier. And hey, you definitely have some people who can help.

  3. Yeesh! Good idea, doc, let's take that test. Um, or you could just continue on not eating wheat if it has eased your symptoms. What a tool!

    My Grandma is Celiac, so I have a TON of good recipes. Also, have you heard of Bob's Red Mill? It's local (my in-laws used to live right by it) here (Oregon), and Grammaw says they have the best gluten-free (read: no-wheat) flours for substitutions. They also have gluten-free pancake mix and shit, and I know Dangrdafne (who is gluten-free) has tried them. Check it out: (they also discuss dairy and casein-free products on their FAQs). I highly recommend.

    I was vegan for awhile (although still heavily dependent on wheat), and it is AMAZING the shit that is in things you wouldn't expect, so I can totally relate on that front. Like casein, for example - it's a protein from milk, and it is in EVERYTHING. Like, random shit. And I won't tell you what they put in birth control pills for the estrogen content, because it's all I can do to choke mine down every day. *shudder*

    Aaaaaaanyway! Let me know if you want more wheat-free recipes. I've got a bunch. :)

  4. Well Miss Musing Bella I did not know this about your family. Please send some of these recipes to little ol' me. I have been off wheat and gluten for 10 years now. Thanks

    Chloe Cougar I know we talked about this on Twitter. However I/we can help being gluten free, just let me/us know!