Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Shut Yer Damn Mouth

I thought I'd start us out nice and easy with a complaint I had very early this morning (if you follow me on Twitter, you may have seen it *waves at Lisa and Smitten*). I take public transportation to work (a treasure trove of potential complaints), and this morning, the gentleman seated next to me on the bus decided it was time for a snack and began eating and chewing with his mouth open.

I wish I had this shirt.

Naturally, I wanted to junk punch him.

Open-mouthed chewing (by the way, NEVER Google image search "mouth chewing". You're welcome.) is one of my biggest pet peeves. I don't even like it when TH chews loud enough that I can hear when his mouth is closed. I am aware that I have issues. I just don't understand; it's disgusting. Why is it hard to chew with your mouth closed (barring, of course, physical disability)??? At least spare us all your cow impression in public - if you must, chew aloud at home (not you, TH - you are never allowed to chew aloud in my presence. I believe it was in our vows).

Thankfully, I was eventually able to get off the bus and on with my day (and up to my cubicle, where the guy I sit next to chews out loud ALL THE DAMN TIME), while I imagine that poor man bit his tongue off when the bus hit a bump on the next street and has since learned his lesson about open-mouthed chewing on public transportation. If not, well, there's always Walken.

I know I'm not alone in this - does it drive you crazy, too? Let's hear some pet peeves up in this blog!


  1. Oh my god this annoys me SO much! My Uncle, whom I love dearly and see infrequently (he lives in England) is an open-mouth chewer. He chews exactly like my Grandmother did, and my father does (although I think my mother sorted that shit out early on in their marriage). SO FUCKING ANNOYING.

    I love that you've created this blog. I have SO many pet peeves. I'm thinking about my first Whine Thirty (makes me think wine = thirsty, go figure) post already. Are you gonna do a posting schedule or is this a 'get it out there when the need takes you' kinda thing?

  2. I'm the same, I can't deal with chewy noises. Or kissy noises. Or loud breathing while eating... Makes mealtime with an almost 4 and a 5.5 year old very frustrating!!!

    Public transit is full of winners (except us, we're amazaballs!). The worse ride home I had was last summer, stifling heat, standing all the way home with warm sweaty guy continuously pressing against my back and creepy skin condition guy beside me sratching his arm and forcing me to watch the dead skin fall away. It was like a car wreck, I couldn't not look. Barf.

  3. *chomp chomp chomp* did you ask a question? *food flying everywhere* I can't hear you over my eating!

    LOL!! Just kidding! Yuck and yuck.

    And Smitten that is gross what you had to put up with on your bus ride *gags*

  4. Oh GAG, Smitten! I'm sorry! My BFF tells a story about a friend of hers who watched someone poop on the bus one time. Like, he shook it out his pants leg. *hurls*

    I'm glad I'm not alone with my peeve. I thought I'd get us to a rolling start, LOL.

    @TwiKiwi - get it out there when the need takes you (kind of like the guy on the bus I just mentioned), I like that. Yes, it's that, for now. We'll see how that goes. Yay! I can't wait to see what you post!!

  5. My husband does this so much. I actually didn't say anything to him about until about 5 years into our marriage. He still does it sometimes and the I glare and he tries to stop, but he still chews loud. Ugh, I hate it.

  6. SOOO gross. It's my #1 pet peeve right up there with Snoring. I hate both so much, I don't even know which is worse. And I come from a family of loud chewers/snorers so no idea how I came to hate them both so much. I work with a loud chewer and for some reason I can NOT tell him to stop eating loud. I can tell my other co-worker to shut his mouth (sometimes he does it as a joke) but I feel like I can't say anything to this one dude. When he buys chips, I leave the office immediately to take my lunch. I even wrote a blog post about my pet peeves on my other blog a long time ago:

    Also, if you ever watch How I Met Your Mother, there was an awesome episode called "Spoiler Alert" where they made fun of Lilly for chewing loud. It was hilarious.

    And um...excuse me but did you say someone shit on the bus in that last comment you wrote?!?!? WOW. Haha very thankful I don't have to take public transportation.

  7. I. Hate. When people chew with their mouth open. Even worse, I hate when they speak with their mouth full of food. Both make me want to hurl, so I empathize, I really do.