Monday, June 13, 2011

Are They Actually a Different Species?

Warning: I am writing this a little pissy. Hmmm, quite a bit pissy.

Also, this post is brought to you by the amazingness that is the McFlurry. I am expecting the sugar to kick in in a few paragraph's time.


I want to keep this as short as possible but I can't guarantee that. You know I love a good ol' flight-of-ideas rant.

I have been seeing this guy, we'll call him Mr X, for about a month. This is my first foray into a 'real' adult relationship and I really, really like this guy. In spite of this rant, I do still really like him, and hope everything works out. But I just need to let off a little steam, so hold on tight...

This is happening inside my head.
I do not understand how males and females can be SO DIFFERENT when it comes to communication.

Really? Is it hard? Do you have some alternate method of communication? ESP? Clearly not, because you're not reading my mind right now. (insert quip about how Edward Cullen is perfect here).

We have a relatively good history with communication. The preferred method appears to be text message. I am OK with this. I may or may not have altered my cellphone contract within days of things getting serious to increase my monthly text allowance. We text A LOT. Multiple times per day. Tens of texts per day. And I like this.

Cut to last week. Things change. Granted, there are extraneous factors. Mr X gets a new job. It's stressful. His troubled friend comes to town and needs support. And the texts decrease markedly. I get it. People are busy. It's cool.

Cut to Friday night. This is now a week after I sent him a carefully worded "when we hang out can we please do something other than watch movies cos I want to have conversation with you" text. Fuck. Have I scared him off? Haven't seen him all week. I phone him because I'm travelling and I know he's stressed. He doesn't answer. That's fine.

Here's an issue: don't send me a text back saying you'll call me when you get home, and then not call.

Sugar, you are my life now.

Hello, sugar rush. I'm really getting into this now. You guys are great therapists. Speaking of, this week will be a packed session on the couch. But that's another story.

So, I hear nothing on Saturday. Hmm, I think. I know he's busy. I'll call this evening: Voicemail. I leave a light, cheerful, 'hope you're OK' message.

Sunday, I think something might be wrong. Then I think no, let's just see what happens. I will not text. I will not text. I do not text.

This better be your reason.

Monday (today) rolls around. When we last spoke, last Wednesday, we agreed tonight would be date night. Somewhat hopefully, I think perhaps this means we might go out. You know, like a real date. But at this point, I'll take any form of contact. Please bear in mind, despite the ranting, what I said above. I do really, really like Mr X. I'm torn between wanting to kick his arse and jump his bones.

Sooo, I hear nothing today. I wait. I try not to be angry. I rationalise my frustration. I take calming breaths. When he's not here and hasn't been in touch by 7pm, I text:

"Are we still on for tonight? I thought you were coming over after work" <--- please note no nicknames, smiley faces or kisses (which are my norm).

"I'm soooo sorry, I totally forgot." There was more, but this is the need-to-know. Please bear in mind that this is the first communication I have heard since Friday. Three days ago.

This about wraps up my issue. It's just so fucking frustrating! Are men actually from Mars? Surely I am not the only woman to be frustrated at this chain of events? Ladies, I neeeeeed you. I need to hear how the whole male race sucks at this. I need to hear that I am not alone.

And also, whether or not anyone ever died from McFlurry-induced sugar surges. I'm booking in for my type 2 diabetes test now.

Over and out.


  1. Oh Amy, boys can be such unpredictable idiots. I think this is why we all loved 'Friends' the show. They made all those dating dilemas funny.

  2. Misery loves company, right? I'm right there with you hon. Mr. NotSmitten is not a communicator. At all.

    I would be very frustrated if in your position. And probably a bit sad too. I think you've got the best possible attitude though. Men are generally not communicators. I'm sure he is just busy, stressed and forgetful. Maybe just make sure he knows you just want to get to know him better, not talk marriage, babies and headboard busting.. well, you could discuss the latter if you are so inclined ;)


  3. Hmmm... I don't know how much you actually want to hear from my perspective. ;-)

    So I'll just say this: men SUCK BALLS at communicating. Let me tell you from personal experience that they can hold things in for over a year before you find out they had even an inkling of a problem with something, and by then it's too late to do something about it, and the whole time the guy has been lying to you about the fact that said "something" DIDN'T bother him.

    So, yeah, I agree that they're terrible communicators. I can totally see why you'd be frustrated at this chain of events, and I'm right there with you. I' sorry, bb. (((HUGS))) Hope he pulls his head out of his ass and realizes he needs to communicate with you. Mwah!

  4. Not only do men suck at communicating, most of the time they don't realize that women actually *like* to spend time together. We kind of need it, in fact. Also, we understand busy, but we still expect them to make time for us. We'd do it for them. Gosh, men do suck.

  5. Duuuuuuude. I'm right there with ya, on the real. I'm trying not to be all anti-penis right now, but they make it rather difficult don't they?

    I don't need to be in constant communication, cuz yeah...I'm fucking busy. But, at the very VERY least just let me know what to expect! If we're going out, I'll expect that. If we're not gonna talk for a couple days, fine, just clue my ass in will ya? I mean, I'm a big girl and I can even handle it if you don't like me all that much (I can be a bit...muchy sometimes),but for the love of gawd, just be HONEST with me! I'd much rather hear that you aren't "that into me" than wait around for a call/text/date that was supposed to happen and never does. Grow a pair and say what the fuck you mean, and then I can get in my sweatpants and eat Ben & Jerry's while watching 'When Harry met Sally' instead of waiting around on your sorry ass. Pffffttt.

    P.S. McFlurry for the WIN!!!


  6. Hmmmmm, I have to say that - on the whole - I agree with smartEpantz's comments....

    I've already told you what I think: you SO do not deserve this shit. I mean, it's really not that difficult to respond to a text, is it?

    Hold on, I've been married to MrCC for 18 years and he STILL has problems communicating with me - and everybody else for that matter. So, um, maybe texting - or dialling your number - IS a big deal... Pffft!

    Gawd, I so hope I'm raising my sons to be less communicationally challenged. But somehow I think it's written in their genes :-(

    Keep your head held high, bb. In the (slightly altered) words of L'Oreal: you are SO fucking worth it.

    CC x

  7. 1) There are men, only boys.
    2) Boys do not know how to communicate effectively... with women.
    3) we need to accept this because it ain't ever going to change.
    4) It is always a challenge to decide what you will accept as ok and as not ok in a relationship, especially a new one.
    5) Good luck

  8. That should be
    1) There are NO men, only boys.

    geez - must have been my boy part of the brain typing there LOL!!

  9. Wow, you guys are awesome. I have kinda avoided coming back here in the last few days cos I've been sick and a bit needy, and didn't fancy going into this all again.

    To give you an update, we had a text conversation on Thursday night and we are not seeing each other until next Wednesday. Not by my choosing.

    I have been sad, I have been mad, I have been downright pissed off. But, despite all this, I have decided to wait until I see him in person before I declare this thing dead and buried.

    I need to give him a chance to tell me what is going on, and I need to know what is happening in his head (or at least as much as he is going to share).

    My BFF was extremely helpful. Afterall, she knows him too, and we both agree he is not likely to be the string-along type, I genuinely think there is some shit going on in his life. So, we'll see.

    @kiTT - you're so right. Ross & Rachel kinda summed alot of stuff up well, didn't they?

    @Smitten - chance would be a fine thing! You're right, I want to have an open attitude. I think I do, I just need to wait and be patient.

    @MB - thank you my dear. From you, this means alot. I wish you all the very best, and I can't wait for a real hug!

    @Heather - so true! I WANT to talk to you, I WANT to hear about the mundane things in your life... geez.

    @E - Oh my god. Are you sure you're not me? Right on, sister!

    @CC - hellz yeah I am! And thank you. For everything.

    @DD - thank you darling. You have the best advice.

    I will let you know how it goes. I will keep myself first and hold my head high. And I will keep in mind a quote I heard a while back:

    "It is better to be single, than to wish you were"

  10. Did I ever tell you DG cancelled on me the afternoon we were supposed to hang out for the 1st time. Sure he rescheduled for 2 days later, but still..I was irate and heartbroken. To this day, he doesn't remember it. I think men really are from Mars.

    xo J

  11. @Jen - they fucking are! I think I may need to read that book...

    FYI, everyone, it's over. OVER. Thank you for your support & love xxx