Dear Not-So-Great-Hair of Mine,
Remember the past couple of
days weeks when you literally mocked me every time I tried to control you? You know how you've been all "It's too humid, I can't work under these conditions"? And you know how you forced me to wrangle you into a rubber ban even though you were not quite long enough which required the use of a thousand bobby pins for all the strays you insisted to keep out of the rubber band no matter how many times I tried to fix it or how much product I used in it. You've been quite awful, really. Painfully awful.
Sure I take full responsibility for the last cut not being quite up to par, I thought I knew what I wanted and convinced my stylist, Hailey, to try it my way. Well, I was wrong and for that I am sorry. (Hailey, I promise never to interfere with what you do again. You are always right about my hair and I bow to your greatness.) Still that's no excuse for your horrendous behavior over the past few
days weeks. Serious you punished me enough.
Well guess where I'm going today? ...That's right.... I'm going to go see Hailey. And believe you me Hair, you are no match for Hailey.
First she is going to adjust your color. I mean really how many times do I have to change it before you realize what color I'd like you to grow? It's been years. Get over it, I don't like that color and I want it the color I want it. End of discussion. But whatever, Hailey will fix that.
When she's finished making you the right color, she is going to cut you. A Lot. Some of you are going to find themselves new homes on the floor. While that sounds harsh and may make you a bit sad, I for one, will not miss any of you. At. All. Especially after the treatment you've been giving me lately.
What? you're hurt? Did you not read the first part of this letter? Have you forgotten how terrible you've been these last few
days weeks? I haven't. You've been hurting me for days weeks. And that stops today. Now.
Whose laughing now? Huh, hair?
This whine brought to you by InotU...
...who is currently hanging out with her stylist, Hailey.