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Saturday, February 11, 2012

I Want. But I Can't Have. Yet.

Hello petals! It's been a while since anyone's had a good whine here...

*blows away cobwebs*

This weekend, many of my twi-friends got the chance to get their grubby little paws on the Breaking Dawn, Part One DVD, in all it's variations. It has been released in America & Canada... where a large number of my luvvies reside.


However.... those of us in other areas, New Zealand, Australia, the UK, etc? No DVDs for us yet.

I can't speak for others (or am too lazy to wiki it) but in New Zealand the release date is March 15th. This makes me a little sad.

I KNOW, I KNOW. I got to see the film in the cinema before everyone else. I've been on the fun side of international release date variations. BUT you know what? This is my post and imma whine if I want to. I saw Breaking Dawn ONE DAY before everyone else, so I'd get it if we had, you know, a week's delay, or something.... but five weeks? COME ON.


Because my tweeps are such AMAZEBALLS people, loads and loads have offered to buy DVDs and post them to me. Here's the thing. American DVDs won't work in New Zealand DVD players, thanks to a little invention called DVD REGION CODES. This is something I learned when I lived in the UK, and suddenly couldn't play DVDs from home.

So, I thought I'd turn my Breaking Dawn whine into a positive. They say you learn something every day. If you didn't know about region codes, it's your lucky day!

Basically, these regions exist so that film distributors can control elements of a release, content, etc, for different areas of the world. DVD players sold in different areas of the world will only play DVDs from certain regions. Take a look at the back of any DVD on your shelf. There'll be a little number indicating the region, like this:

My Eclipse DVD
There are exceptions, multi-region players, ways to get around this. But for the great majority, we're restricted to buying DVDs from the region we live in.

I stole this picture from the wiki page linked above:


Yup. Pretty, but a little annoying. So, I'm a '4', most of you are '1's and '2's.

So there you have it! A wee education lesson for you. I really hope all of you who have the DVD are enjoying it, and enjoyed the sneak peek of BD2 that you got to see... that the rest of us then saw online (shh).

Ooh! Another thing. Wanna see my cute new kitten? I posted all about him HERE. Check it out.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

In-Laws Incoming!!!

Well, hello there, dear whiny, bitchy friends! Long time no rant!

I hope you've all managed to enjoy a drama-free Christmas filled with goodies. I could whine about my Christmas experience (and the complete lack of gifts for me to unwrap) but I won't. Oh no. Today I have even worse issues of whininess to share with you all. Come join me in my nightmare!


This is a pretty accurate depiction of my current state

I have spent today completely and utterly indulging my need to stay glued to Twitter and the Interwebz. I have avoided the household chores that really need to be done, with the exception of shoving the few net curtains we have into the washing machine and hanging them back up again.

Why my current state of apathy, you ask?

Well, let me tell you, it is well-deserved. You see, tomorrow I'll be picking my mother up from the train station and bringing her to stay in my house. In. My. House....... In. My. Neglected. House. And she will judge. Fear not: she will judge.


She kinda looks nice in this. The reality will be far less so...

No matter that I work all the hours God sends, have a house-full of males, and really can't be arsed to be domesticated in my spare time (my spare time is devoted to the Interwebz - just like everyone else's is, right?). I will be judged on my general lack of domestic input.

But that's not all. Oh no, dear whiny friends. That is definitely not all.

On Saturday - the last day of this busy, busy year - my parents-in-law will also be coming to stay. In. My. House. For TWO WHOLE NIGHTS.


My mother-in-law can talk the hind leg off a donkey. (If you don't understand this phrase, just click the link....). And my father-in-law, bless him, has a tendency to fall asleep within minutes of arrival. Plus, he has been wearing the same woolly jumper for years. YEARS, I tell you. I despair...

So basically, my house is going to be overtaken by the next generation along. And I'll be expected to be the 'hostess with the mostest', the doting daughter / daughter-in-law, all sparkly-eyed and fresh and pleasant.

All I really want to do is lock myself in my room with my laptop and read fanfic / ogle Tumblr posts / tweet / blog / Hell! Maybe even write a little! Is that so wrong?

HELP ME!!!

This post was brought to you from the UK by CC x

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Don't Date Like a Douche, either (version 1)

Hey peeps - I've titled this post "version 1" because I am POSITIVE there will be additional posts, perhaps even by others of you (TwiKiwi50, I'm pretty sure you probably have some things to contribute) on this topic.

Many (if not most) of you are aware I have jumped feet-first back into dating in recent weeks. I signed up on match.com.  I signed up on eharmony, too, and cancelled that shit ASAP because that place is weird.  More on that some other time.  So, I was "winked at" and e-mailed by a few guys on match, and I have now been out three times: two first dates, one second date.  I'm here now to do my civic duty and help others to not make the douchey mistakes these guys made (LwE, I bet at least one of them banks like a douche on a regular basis, too).


#1 - If you're over 30 and your Mom made your Halloween costume, don't tell your date that.

#2 - Especially if it's a full-body snow leopard costume.  (Refer to #1)

#3 - if you're dressing up for Halloween in a full-body snow leopard costume your Mom made for you (and you're over 30) just to hand out Halloween candy at your parents' house, and your date tells you she doesn't have Halloween plans, the proper response is not, "Well, that's just sad."  In this situation, she is not the sad one.

#3 - Don't try to surprise your date on the second date.  That gimmicky sketch comedy show a coworker told you about is not the right place to take your date when she was a theater major and knows most of the theatrical/acting community in town (and has never heard of the show or the people in it - not good).  You might be forgiven because you didn't know that about her (it being only your second date), but that's exactly why you shouldn't try to surprise her: the second date is not the right time to try to guess what a person you don't know might like.  You're probably going to be wrong.

#4 - When your date orders a drink - no matter what it is - don't lean weirdly over the table and say, "Every woman I know loves that drink. Why?" in an accusatory tone. I am not here to speak on behalf of my gender, and I'm pretty sure the only thing we truly all have in common are our vaginas.  Sit back in your chair and say to yourself, "Don't be a chauvinist on the first date."  Say it silently.


#5 - When your date uses a "big word," try to restrain yourself from saying, "There's a 50 cent word," every time. Maybe don't even say it the one time.  Just stop it. 

#6 - Don't ask your date the same question three different ways over the course of an hour.  "Tell me about yourself," "How would you describe yourself?" and "What do I need to know about you?" are - first of all - real conversation-starters, so good job on that, but also - secondly - don't make it seem like you remember my profile (which I know you viewed today, thanks to match/BigBrother) or any of our 5-6 exchanged e-mails in which you found out a lot about me beforehand.  Also, it's just obnoxious.


I think that's good for a start. I am sure I'll have more... probably a lot more.  Any to add, ladies?  I know there are more bad-date stories out there than we have room to blog about on here, lay 'em on us in the comments (or feel free to write your own post)!


Tuesday, October 11, 2011

McFlurry Madness!

Ooh. I am SO angry right now.

As you may remember from a previous rant, I loves me a McFlurry.

I had a shitty day today. Work was... alright, until after lunch. I had some pretty intense chest tightness... long story short, afternoon at the doctor's surgery, ECG, blood tests... I'm fine, but boy am I tired tonight.

I just had to pop down to the supermarket for a couple of things, and I thought that I'd spoil myself on the way home with a McFlurry. Here's where the anger starts.

I roll up to the drive thru window and am handed this:


When really, it shoulda looked more like this:


Oh my god, I can't believe I'm ranting on the internet about ice cream. Anyway. Let me move on.

THEY DON'T MIX THE McFLURRIES WITH A WHIZZY THING ANYMORE.

I asked them why they hadn't whizzed my McFlurry, and the girl said to me that they never had. She didn't appear to know what I was talking about. I put this down to WHAT THE HELL, I CALL BULLSHIT and asked for my $3.60 back, thanks very much.

On a crusade now, I zoomed down to the next McDonalds, 3 minutes down the road. Again, I ordered a McFlurry. This time I asked the dude if they whizzed them still, and HE SAID NO. Apparently, people complained about the whizzing!

Here's the thing. In my book, if it's whizzed, it's a McFlurry. If it's ice cream with whole M&M's on top, it's ice cream with whole M&M's on top. And that does not cut it with me.

Right. Rant over. No more McFlurries for me, and that makes me sad. Please tell me this is not the case world wide? Cos if it is, I haz a sad.

I'll just slink off to bed with my antacids now and pipe down. Boo hoo.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Don't Ex Like a Douche


Today would have been my third wedding anniversary. Instead, it's almost my three-week divorciversary (which word I just made up, you're welcome).  My ex being the douche that he is, I kept expecting to hear from him, and as I left work, I congratulated him in my head for finally getting a clue.  Last time I saw him, he mentioned that he had no other way of contacting me besides e-mail - my response was along the lines of: "That's correct."






Of course, when I got home, I noticed an e-mail had come through. He wanted me to know he's thinking of me and he hopes we can get together for dinner sometime.





Well, here's what I think.  He's not thinking of me.  He's thinking ABOUT me.  If he was truly thinking of me, he wouldn't call, write, or send smoke signals, because he would know that I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HIM.  I have been pleasant and civil, but clear about this. Get your shit out of my house and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.  Shit? It's out of my house. So: we're done. That's it. Try not to fuck anyone else in your life over the way you did me. Mmkaythanksbainow.

Also, maybe he should have thought about me 8 months ago or before whenever it is that he began his affair.  That would have been a good fucking time to think about me, wouldn't you say?


So, no, I don't want to get together for dinner. I thought that was one of the benefits of getting divorced: so that we wouldn't have to have dinner together ever again.  But I can see how he might make this mistake - I've been polite to him.  I thought it might help if we compiled a how-to for exes: How to NOT Ex Like a Douche.

- If your ex has changed her phone number and blocked you on facebook, she probably doesn't want to hear from you. She definitely doesn't want to have a meal with you. Take a hint.

- If you're planning to tell people the reason you left was because you "needed some space," don't move back in with your parents.

- Clearing your crap out of your ex's house? Don't make yourself at home.

- Offered a glass of water by your ex while signing divorce papers? Don't say no and then get one yourself when she's out of the room. Again, this is making yourself at home. Don't. You don't live here anymore.

- Did you have an affair? Your ex doesn't want to hear about the fight you're now having with the other woman.  File that under G for Go Fuck Yourself.

- Living with your parents during separation? Your ex also doesn't want to hear about how overbearing they're being. Try to keep your story straight - didn't you leave to get "space?"

- Your ex is not going to feel sorry for you when you were the one who left her. She's going to realize how much more awesome her life is without your lying, cheating, lame ass, and she's going to move on. Deal with it.


That's all I can think of - but even if you haven't been divorced, I know you all have some tips. Let's hear them!
Also, who wants to get me one of these?



"I guess I just lost my husband
I don't know where he went
So I'm gonna drink my money
I'm not gonna pay his rent (Nope)

...

So, so what?
I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't need you
And guess what?
I'm havin' more fun
And now that we're done
I'm gonna show you

Tonight
I'm alright
I'm just fine
And you're a tool, so
So what?
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight..."


~ P!nk "So What"

Monday, September 19, 2011

Just when I think I can't hate my employer more, they prove me wrong!

*waves* Hi there. Remember me?

I’m happy to see that my recent terrible blogger/blog follower status hasn’t gotten me removed from The Whine list!!! This whole ‘being responsible and not reading blogs at work’ thing sucks. 

If you follow me on Twitter, you may have noticed me griping about work. A lot. Well guess what? Imma treat you to more of the same right now!

I’ll try to keep the back story brief. Where to start….



I’ve worked for the same organization for 10 years now. I started as a temp working reception. My solid performance got me hired and promoted to an Administrator position in my current department.

At that point (this is back in 2002) the position was an admin support position. I typed letters, created databases, assembled briefing books, coordinated various administrative projects, provided back-up to others, etc. Pretty typical. I was the administrative workhorse. You need something done accurately and in a timely fashion? I was the girl everyone went to. I worked non-stop and didn't complain.

My boss at the time, we’ll call her The Devil, promised me that she would mentor me.  I was “in the same position she was at my age. ” She was gonna get me “all trained up” blah blah blah. Empty promises.

See, she was the queen of empty promises. I was promised a lot over the years. She usually provided enough perks that I couldn't really complain, but she never lived up to those promises. I'm not the only one to have learned that the hard way. I suppose I could've joined the suck up club, because they were her favourites. But I’m not a suck up.  

2 ½ years ago, an Analyst position opened up within my department. Now, had my boss mentored me like she had promised, I may have been a shoe-in. However, since she had taught me pretty much diddly-squat, I was on my own. Needless to say, I did not get that job (though The Devil did assure me that they gave me serious consideration. I guess that was probably a lie too!). Oddly enough, that isn’t even why I’m here whining to you all. Between myself and the other candidate, they definitely gave the right person the job. And I’ve been lucky to have her mentor me over the past few years. (WHY OH WHY did I not meet someone like this 10-15 years ago when it could have made all the difference in my career path?! Sorry, that’s a different rant…)

To placate me, I was given a new window office and travel to several conferences a year. I’m not complaining. My job description was evaluated, and it was determined that the administrative support portion of my job (which was probably 75+% of my tasks) would be removed and divided amongst the remaining admin staff. This allowed me to focus on analytical work within my department.

Oh yeah, and The Devil also promised me that I would be reclassified and given a new title.

Now all this was going on during an entire organizational restructure. Unfortunately it was based on my old job description. And that was entirely reflected in where I was placed. It was very obvious to myself, and others, that certain levels were written in such a way to put certain people in certain places. 

The Devil told me I’d just have to wait. Again.

Fast forward to this year. My job has evolved. The Analyst has taught me a lot. I’ve improved on my skill-set.

The Devil retired. Finally. Ding Dong the Witch is Dead literally played on repeat in my head. Unfortunately, her claws were dug deep and she made sure to leave the suck-ups with a legacy.

So now there are only 2 of us in the department: myself and the Analyst. She gets bumped up to Manager - there’s actually quite a bit more to that story, as my previous boss was a Director, but that’s not for me to whine about… it’s just another piece in the whole fucked up employer puzzle.

So my new boss (hereafter referred to as she) and I talked about my position and where we would like my position to grow. She completely agrees that I am currently classed incorrectly, but we decided not to push the reclassification issue because there was a lot of contention about it at the management level, and she didn’t want to appear to be making the request solely because The Devil had retired. I understood, and agreed to hold off.

That was, until I learned that the new Administration Manager reclassed most of her staff.

Now I know that I shouldn’t be comparing myself to others, and that it’s not really any of my business how much people make. Whatever. There is such thing as equity, and the internal equity at my office is out of fucking whack.


So, the suck-up (who, btw, does minimal shitty work and makes 50ish% more than I do) got promoted to supervisor (she was already a level higher and probably at the top of her pay scale. who knows where they put here with the promotion). 

Remember when they took those admin tasks from my job? They were given to the Admin Assistant. She was reclassed to the same level as I'm in.
The Receptionist (who can’t format a fucking letter and spends more than half her day talking on the phone) also was reclassed to the same level as I'm in because she is providing support to accounting (the Supervisor).

I do not believe two of them are deserving of where they are based on job performance. There is no way. The Admin Assistant is a great friend of mine and I have no issue with where they have placed her. I know she has taken on more responsibility.

But I do have a problem with where they are all classed relative to my position.

Naturally I was quite upset when I first heard about this. I marched right into my boss's office (I’m lucky she and I are friends) and laid it out. This. Is. Not. Right.

She agreed. Let’s get the ball rolling.

So I revamped my job description. I write correspondence, reports, policies and procedures. I analyze reports and other submissions. I liaise with government officials and sit on a multi-governmental committee. I represent the organization at functions and international conferences.

And I filled out the stupid HR responsibility questionnaire and provided as much example as I could. My boss also completed the same.

Then the waiting started. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Have I mentioned that I am not a patient person? At. All.

Then there were the meetings. My boss met with HR and the Admin Manager. It was about at this point that we realized the whole process was seriously flawed.

More meetings. Explain how her job has changed. Explain her day-to-day activities. Provide examples of how responsibility levels have increased. Blah, blah, fucking blah. Based on these meetings neither of us had a good feeling. She told me that HR was not open to discussion on points when they had already forumlated their own determination. What exactly they were basing those determinations on is beyond me!



So last week she finally has THE meeting. The one with the CEO where HR/Admin outline their determination. Sadly, she has to go in blind. She hates this. I don’t blame her. Like I said: Flawed process!

You may have surmised from the fact that I’m here whining to you all that this meeting did not go well. You are correct.



They basically told her that my responsibility level hasn’t changed. No, I’m sorry, those were HR’s exact words “Her responsibility level hasn’t changed.”

What. The. Fuck??!!!!

Are you kidding me?

No, seriously, am I being Punk’d?

I am livid. My boss is livid. I have absolutely no idea how anyone could possibly reach that conclusion. After that entire process, they obviously have no fucking idea what I do.

HR also said “maybe she was assessed too high last time?” Have I mentioned that I no longer like HR? Um, considering they just reassessed what was largely my old job (the Admin Assistant) at my current level, that is obviously untrue. I have no idea why, but I feel like this bitch has got it out for me. Wait - I'll bet this can be wholly blamed on The Devil!

How is this supposed to motivate me to work harder and take on even more responsibility?  I could still be putting together binders and making the coffee. That’s a whole lot less stressful. What is the point in working hard and proving yourself when you never get recognition or compensation for your efforts?!

She fought for me in that meeting. Hard. I could provide you with paragraphs of arguments used, but why bother. They are sticking to their determination. The highlights are as follows:


    • Responsibility level just “isn’t there yet” because my boss still reviews and approves everything  <-- um, we are a 2 person department. And besides, there are other Analysts in the organization that filter their work thru someone higher!
    • My previous job description already said analyze <-- there are only so many verbs you can use! Where is the distinction in the depth and breadth of the analysis?!
    • Cannot move to Professional category due to lack of completion of post-secondary education <-- okay, I won’t argue that. However, I will point out The Devil (who was a Director!) did not have a university degree.
    • I was just reclassed 1 ½ years ago <-- actually, the process started 2 ½ years ago. And it was based on my old job description. And prior to that, The Devil had assured me I was already a Level 2. Obviously she lied. Again. Shocking.

She had a follow-up meeting regarding all of this with the CEO. She took 2 pages of notes with her, and fortunately he patiently listened to what she had to say. And he agreed with her about a lot of it. He did not deny that my responsibilities have increased. Unfortunately, it does not change their very wrong determination.

The end result of all this is that I am committing to go back to school as part of a “Development Plan” to advance my position. I’m fortunate that my employer will reimburse education expenses and I will be able to allot some of my work hours to school – bonus! There will be definite milestones in terms of how I can advance.  And if my boss has any say (I shouldn’t hold out hope that she will based on my experiences), it will be a stepped process so that I don’t have to wait as long for compensation for a job that I’m already doing.

Sounds good? I know it does. It’s daunting, but it’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time.

Now, to figure out what to study…

My boss’s suggestion: Let’s just pick the quickest/easiest thing.

God I love her!

So, here’s my dilemma. For myself, I would love to complete a degree. I didn’t drop out of university because I wasn’t smart enough, I just lacked direction. And money. BUT, do I want to undertake a p/t degree at this point in my life? It would take FOREVER!

I did find a program that I’m keen on. Not sure how easy it would be to do on a p/t basis since I would have to attend classes (as opposed to doing them online) and labs, but the subject matter interests me and it would be about as relevant to my job as I could get.

The flip side is that I could complete a Business Management or Business Administration certificate in 2-3 years. The subject does not interest me much, but I have no doubt I could do well. And the time frame is so much more feasible and not nearly as scary!

Decision, decisions….

Lest you think I’m actually gonna leave this rant on a high(ish) note…



Just when I think I can’t hate my employer more, I realize this:

When they did the reorganization/reclass 1 ½ years ago, they adjusted all employees to a compa ratio of 88% of their salary level (unless they were already higher). This percentage was chosen based on the funds available at the time.

They have since adjusted that rate to 90%.

So the Admin Assistant and Receptionist were reclassed at 90% of their level.

OUR level.

Let's do the math.

When they did the reorganization/reclass it was determined that I was underpaid (shocking, I know!), so I was moved up to 88% of my level. I’ll be generous and assume I got a 3% raise last year, so that puts me at what? My math says 91%.

The Receptionist now makes the same annual salary as I do.

Fuck. My. Life.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Divorcery



Alright, ladies, so far I have completely resisted coming on here and bitching about my failing marriage or my now-impending divorce, but I am FED UP tonight (and a little tipsy).  Some of you know the circumstances behind why I'm getting divorced. For the rest of you, just know that I see no other way to continue in life. I do take the vows I made very seriously, apparently he didn't.  In a nutshell, he changed his mind about what he wanted and he stopped caring about me. 

So, anyway, I filed on Monday.  Today I got a package from the court. "Holy shit!" thought I, "That was so fast!"  Oh, but no, dear reader.  See, there are about 537 forms you can potentially fill out in my county to get a divorce, and I happened to pick the one that was correct for everything except our level of debt.  I think what happened was that the threshold was cumulative, whereas I was thinking of each debt as individual and they were all - independently - below the threshold. Even my attorney/friend who helped me got that wrong, and she just called to apologize and say how fucked up my county is.  So now I have to get STBxTH back over here, sign some more shit, get it notarized, and then go turn it in. Thank FUCK I have Tuesday off, so I can go file again.  And thank FUCK again that they're not charging me extra, because divorce is, like, 17 times more expensive than my marriage license was.  Just to file - that's not including the lost income, increased taxes, increased expenses when you're paying on your own (although I already was, so my regular expenses are actually reduced, ironically).  Anyway, I guess they're not being assholes, but it's just SO frustrating.
Where's my Easy Button?

So then, I e-mail STBxTH about when he could get together to sign and notarize and everything and I explain the situation and he says, "That must have been very frustrating for you."  Fuck you, Observo, Master of the Obvious.

Luckily, both he and a notary I know can come over on Sunday AM to fix this fuck-up. I just don't understand - why do there have to be so many goddamn forms? Why not just ONE form: Do you want to get divorced? Check yes or no.
Like the opposite of this. Or exactly like this, and I could just check "No."
 
I'm just ready to be done with this, you know?  This shit has been coming since February, that I know of, and we made the decision at the end of June, which now feels like fucking forever ago.
  
Who wants to throw me a divorce party? 'Cause I kinda want one...

I feel better just for bitching about this, which is, I guess, the whole point of this blog. :-)  So thanks, everyone, for making this little blog a reality.  I have further gripes about work, but I'm rarely motivated enough to write a post anymore.  Have you noticed?

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck – if you survive you start looking very carefully to the right and left. – Anonymous