Just give me some money already!

At the start of last year I started a postgraduate diploma and eventually Masters Degree in premature baby nursing awesomeness, (that's not actually what its called but for the sake of not boring you to death lets just go with it) The hospital where I work funded the first year of the diploma and all was good.  I got way better marks than I ever did at Uni, (Or College for my American friends) the first time around and things were great. 

Until this year. 

I applied for the second year funding and skipped off on my merry way to wait for the confirmation letter.  But no.

 We regret to inform you that your application for funding has been unsuccessful.  

Ummm say what now? WTF???

Please email the below address if you wish to be placed

 on the waiting list should others pull out. 

Umm yes please. 

I'm still on that bloody wait list.

Just to kick me when I'm down there are only 3 of us enrolled in the second year and the other 2 got full funding. Fuck me.

Since then I have applied for three Scholarships, which took around 15 pages of application, 5 pages of essay, 2 character references, and the promise of either a kidney or your first born. I'm still waiting to hear.

Then I talk to my boss (who is a bitch of the highest order) who informs me that there is a good chance the Trust may pay for it.  Turns out no, no they won't. Bastards.

So here I am just over a week til the first day of the semester starts and I have no money to pay the tuition fees. I would pay out of my own pocket but money is pretty tight in our house at the moment and no matter how much I trim the grocery budget, I'm not going to magically find and extra $4000.

I have applied for a student loan (money you borrow from the government and pay back over a million years at a miniscule amount each week), but am reluctant to use it. I was kinda hoping for some free money like everyone else......

Could someone please give me some money already, anyone, please? 

The icing on the cake is that the whole reason I am completing my Masters degree is so I can get my dream job.  Nurse Practitioner.  We have 8 on out unit and a position only becomes available if someone leaves or retires.  You get on the job training, which the hospital pays for, and its what I have been dreaming about for the last 8 years.  They only offer the training if they are going to follow it up with a job offer, and in the time I have been here its been offered twice. 

They are offering the training in March and I am not yet qualified to even apply.

Some other bitch is going to get my dream job and there is nothing I can do about it.  Oh, and I still have no money.

FML

Coke Zero vs. Diet Coke: NOT THE SAME.

I'm on holiday. Or as you Americans say, vacation. That being said, I have a lot of time for ranting. Consider yourselves forewarned.

So, the other night, I'm in a pub. Thanks to my current tee-total status, I basically have a sum total of two beverage options these days.

The first is lime & soda. I really like a good lime & soda, but ooh boy does it really grind my gears if it is not made correctly. I need exactly the right ratio of lime cordial to soda water. Preferably with a slice of lime, but I can take or leave that. I have been known to ask a bartender if I could make my own in the past... although to be fair, that would have been a vodka lime & soda, and most likely not my first of the evening. ANYWAY. I digress.

The second option currently available to me is Diet Coke. Ooooh boy do I loves me a good cold crisp DC. Tends to be my go-to when I just cannot be arsed with taking the whole 'lime & soda ratio' gamble. "Diet Coke please" isn't that hard to fuck up, is it?

Let me tell you. It is. And it's all thanks to this sneaky interloper: Coke Zero. I FUCKING HATE COKE ZERO.

So, the whole premise behind the existence of Coke Zero is that it tastes like traditional Coca Cola, but without the sugar. Whereas, Diet Coke tastes like, well, Diet Coke. Not regular Coke. DIET COKE.

(why do I feel the need to use shouty caps so much? A therapist would have a field day...)

This post is not about the chemical differences, the sugar content, artificial sweeteners, blah blah blah. You can find all that here if you care. To me, it's about TASTE, people. T. A. S. T. E.

I really dislike the taste of Coca Cola. And, therefore, Coke Zero. I just don't like it. At all. I can tell the difference at first sip between a Coke and a Diet Coke, and I am not happy if I have been served the wrong one. I will complain. As is my right.

Back in the day, the biggest cola-related issue used to be Coke vs Pepsi. Not so anymore, it seems. Although... that would take me on another tangent 'cos Pepsi Max should be illegal. Eww. *ahem*, sorry...

Back to the other night. I ask for a Diet Coke, and what comes to me is clearly either Coca Cola or Coke Zero (I can't tell between the two, and don't care to). So, I send it back. I tell the waitress I ordered a Diet Coke, she apologises, and gets me another one. Here's the thing. The second drink? Same as the first.

At this point, given my stress levels were already fairly high, I couldn't be bothered complaining further. I pushed it aside and drank water. But it got me thinking... do bar staff think these two products are the same? Is Diet Coke in danger of being outrun by this sleek, black and shiny new rival? How will I cope???

As it is, in many shops and cafes now, the fridges are bereft of DC. The Coke Zero bottles and cans have strolled on in and taken over the shelves that are not rightfully theirs. I haz a sad.

Seems I'm not the only one confused

Cut to this weekend. I'm in another dining establishment, and I ask for a Diet Coke. The waitress comes right back out to our table to apologise, and tell me that they are out of DC but, would I like a Coke Zero instead? No thanks, I politely decline, I'll have a Sprite Zero instead. I thanked her for knowing the difference, and she smiled. She knew. She got it.

It's just a damn shame she's in the minority. Is anyone else feeling my pain?

Why I'm Looking for a New Job

Heeeeeeeey, whiners! This seems like a better place to explain what's happening in my work life than Cheaper Than Therapy (which is a desolate place these days). So you all know that I started a new job in December, right? It was going to be a dream job! Work mostly by myself, easy office management work that I can totally do, yadda yadda yadda, right?

What's wrong with my work, you ask?  Well, for one thing, there's not enough to do. Which sounds great, at first.  But I'd really rather be busy at work so the time will pass.  I've spent enough time at work surfing the 'net, reading fan fic, and generally wasting time - so much time that it's lost its novelty. Ridiculous, right?  But other than that, this is also largely accounting work. And I am NOT an accountant.

Also, not having shit to do all day, most every day, means that when things come up that need to get done, I have no motivation to do them. I seem to work better if I'm constantly working. 

I'm also basically chained to my desk from 8:30-4:30 every day. Like, I can't leave for lunch. Or breaks.  If I go to the bathroom (which I refuse not to do), I run the risk of missing a phone call from the ever-elusive boss. If I miss a phone call, I get a lecture about how I should always answer the phone, no matter what.  What would happen if I missed a call from someone?  Gee... maybe he doesn't know we have VOICEMAIL. 

Pretty sure this is what he thinks would happen if I took 20 minutes to go to Subway.

Finally, and quite importantly, my boss is a racist, bigoted, 1 percenter asshole.  I swear to God, he uses the word "negro," makes all sorts of sexist comments, and told a man named Leo Rosenbaum that he couldn't talk because he had an appointment for a circumcision to get to, after which he would don a yarmulke and change his name to Shmuel.  For reals.  I sat there with my mouth agape, and after he hung up, he was like, "That was pretty funny, right?" And I said, "You may have offended him, if he's Jewish."  He just said, "Well, I thought it was funny. I'm funny."

I believe he has anger issues, because he's mean about everyone. He has to wait in line at the bank for two minutes? They're "all idiots and couldn't find their assholes with a flashlight."  

Last week, I told the boss that I thought he'd be better off with a part-time accountant.  That's right, I tried to talk him out of my employment here.  He heard nothing I said, basically, and advised me to enjoy the "down-time." *sigh*

Ultimately, this job is just not the right fit for me.  I don't mind free time, I don't mind getting paid for it. I do mind being a beck-and-call-girl to a racist rich guy.  I can do better than this, even if I get paid less.

Luckily (have we ever had a whine that ended on a high note?), we have a temp accountant in, who is meant to be cleaning up the books (but whom I'm hoping to train at my job), and I have a second interview for an Executive Assistant position (which sounds like a GREAT fit, and I'm trying to be more objective this time around) tonight at 5:15PM, and a phone interview for a different Executive Assistant position tomorrow at 4:30PM.  Hopefully, I can get out of here soon.

Aaaaaaaaargh!

Yeah, so this is going to be a short, but extremely frustrated blog post. I need to vent...

This doesn't even cover it...

Picture me: heavy Monday at work; just fed the troops; feeling the need to go defuzz my legs (and other regions, of which I shall not speak...!). I begin to run myself a bath...

This is what I envisage:

Aaaaah! Essential oils and candlelight--the perfect atmosphere for fanfiction...

Sadly, what I envisage is--this evening at least--far from what I get.

I dip my toe into the water to test the temperature... Perfect! Lowering myself into the tub, I make sure I have all of the essentials to hand...

It's worked every single time so far. I'm so careful. I have to be, as my glasses steam up, so I know when I'm in the bath I need to take care!

Obviously, this evening, I didn't take enough care :-(

Yeah, so replace that dude's face with mine, and you know what happened. And, amazingly, I hasten to add, even #Thing1 was surprised that he didn't hear me cuss.

Hell, no!

It was a whimpered "Aaaaaah!", followed by a slightly more forceful "Oh no!" that fell from my lips. You whiny people would have been proud of me *nods vigorously*.

My iPod fell into the bathwater. It is dead. It has languished in the airing cupboard of revival, having been blasted with the warm air of hairdryer greatness. And now it's sitting in a dish of rice grains, in an attempt to draw out the last dregs of moisture.

I'm not terribly hopeful :-(

This post was brought to you from the UK by CC x

I Want. But I Can't Have. Yet.

Hello petals! It's been a while since anyone's had a good whine here...

*blows away cobwebs*

This weekend, many of my twi-friends got the chance to get their grubby little paws on the Breaking Dawn, Part One DVD, in all it's variations. It has been released in America & Canada... where a large number of my luvvies reside.

However.... those of us in other areas, New Zealand, Australia, the UK, etc? No DVDs for us yet.

I can't speak for others (or am too lazy to wiki it) but in New Zealand the release date is March 15th. This makes me a little sad.

I KNOW, I KNOW. I got to see the film in the cinema before everyone else. I've been on the fun side of international release date variations. BUT you know what? This is my post and imma whine if I want to. I saw Breaking Dawn ONE DAY before everyone else, so I'd get it if we had, you know, a week's delay, or something.... but five weeks? COME ON.

Because my tweeps are such AMAZEBALLS people, loads and loads have offered to buy DVDs and post them to me. Here's the thing. American DVDs won't work in New Zealand DVD players, thanks to a little invention called DVD REGION CODES. This is something I learned when I lived in the UK, and suddenly couldn't play DVDs from home.

So, I thought I'd turn my Breaking Dawn whine into a positive. They say you learn something every day. If you didn't know about region codes, it's your lucky day!

Basically, these regions exist so that film distributors can control elements of a release, content, etc, for different areas of the world. DVD players sold in different areas of the world will only play DVDs from certain regions. Take a look at the back of any DVD on your shelf. There'll be a little number indicating the region, like this:

My Eclipse DVD

There are exceptions, multi-region players, ways to get around this. But for the great majority, we're restricted to buying DVDs from the region we live in.

I stole this picture from the wiki page linked above:

Yup. Pretty, but a little annoying. So, I'm a '4', most of you are '1's and '2's.

So there you have it! A wee education lesson for you. I really hope all of you who have the DVD are enjoying it, and enjoyed the sneak peek of BD2 that you got to see... that the rest of us then saw online (shh).

Ooh! Another thing. Wanna see my cute new kitten? I posted all about him HERE. Check it out.

In-Laws Incoming!!!

Well, hello there, dear whiny, bitchy friends! Long time no rant!

I hope you've all managed to enjoy a drama-free Christmas filled with goodies. I could whine about my Christmas experience (and the complete lack of gifts for me to unwrap) but I won't. Oh no. Today I have even worse issues of whininess to share with you all. Come join me in my nightmare!

This is a pretty accurate depiction of my current state

I have spent today completely and utterly indulging my need to stay glued to Twitter and the Interwebz. I have avoided the household chores that really need to be done, with the exception of shoving the few net curtains we have into the washing machine and hanging them back up again.

Why my current state of apathy, you ask?

Well, let me tell you, it is well-deserved. You see, tomorrow I'll be picking my mother up from the train station and bringing her to stay in my house. In. My. House....... In. My. Neglected. House. And she will judge. Fear not: she will judge.

She kinda looks nice in this. The reality will be far less so...

No matter that I work all the hours God sends, have a house-full of males, and really can't be arsed to be domesticated in my spare time (my spare time is devoted to the Interwebz - just like everyone else's is, right?). I will be judged on my general lack of domestic input.

But that's not all. Oh no, dear whiny friends. That is definitely not all.

On Saturday - the last day of this busy, busy year - my parents-in-law will also be coming to stay. In. My. House. For TWO WHOLE NIGHTS.

My mother-in-law can talk the hind leg off a donkey. (If you don't understand this phrase, just click the link....). And my father-in-law, bless him, has a tendency to fall asleep within minutes of arrival. Plus, he has been wearing the same woolly jumper for years. YEARS, I tell you. I despair...

So basically, my house is going to be overtaken by the next generation along. And I'll be expected to be the 'hostess with the mostest', the doting daughter / daughter-in-law, all sparkly-eyed and fresh and pleasant.

All I really want to do is lock myself in my room with my laptop and read fanfic / ogle Tumblr posts / tweet / blog / Hell! Maybe even write a little! Is that so wrong?

HELP ME!!!

This post was brought to you from the UK by CC x

Don't Date Like a Douche, either (version 1)

Hey peeps - I've titled this post "version 1" because I am POSITIVE there will be additional posts, perhaps even by others of you (TwiKiwi50, I'm pretty sure you probably have some things to contribute) on this topic.

Many (if not most) of you are aware I have jumped feet-first back into dating in recent weeks. I signed up on match.com.  I signed up on eharmony, too, and cancelled that shit ASAP because that place is weird.  More on that some other time.  So, I was "winked at" and e-mailed by a few guys on match, and I have now been out three times: two first dates, one second date.  I'm here now to do my civic duty and help others to not make the douchey mistakes these guys made (LwE, I bet at least one of them banks like a douche on a regular basis, too).

#1 - If you're over 30 and your Mom made your Halloween costume, don't tell your date that.

#2 - Especially if it's a full-body snow leopard costume.  (Refer to #1)

#3 - if you're dressing up for Halloween in a full-body snow leopard costume your Mom made for you (and you're over 30) just to hand out Halloween candy at your parents' house, and your date tells you she doesn't have Halloween plans, the proper response is not, "Well, that's just sad."  In this situation, she is not the sad one.

#3 - Don't try to surprise your date on the second date.  That gimmicky sketch comedy show a coworker told you about is not the right place to take your date when she was a theater major and knows most of the theatrical/acting community in town (and has never heard of the show or the people in it - not good).  You might be forgiven because you didn't know that about her (it being only your second date), but that's exactly why you shouldn't try to surprise her: the second date is not the right time to try to guess what a person you don't know might like.  You're probably going to be wrong.

#4 - When your date orders a drink - no matter what it is - don't lean weirdly over the table and say, "Every woman I know loves that drink. Why?" in an accusatory tone. I am not here to speak on behalf of my gender, and I'm pretty sure the only thing we truly all have in common are our vaginas.  Sit back in your chair and say to yourself, "Don't be a chauvinist on the first date."  Say it silently.

#5 - When your date uses a "big word," try to restrain yourself from saying, "There's a 50 cent word," every time. Maybe don't even say it the one time.  Just stop it. 

#6 - Don't ask your date the same question three different ways over the course of an hour.  "Tell me about yourself," "How would you describe yourself?" and "What do I need to know about you?" are - first of all - real conversation-starters, so good job on that, but also - secondly - don't make it seem like you remember my profile (which I know you viewed today, thanks to match/BigBrother) or any of our 5-6 exchanged e-mails in which you found out a lot about me beforehand.  Also, it's just obnoxious.

 

I think that's good for a start. I am sure I'll have more... probably a lot more.  Any to add, ladies?  I know there are more bad-date stories out there than we have room to blog about on here, lay 'em on us in the comments (or feel free to write your own post)!